The guilt of gifting: Thoughts from a single parent Derbyshire dad

Here we are again, Christmas has come around once more, and the feelings of guilt are present. I can't precisely determine what it is that makes me feel guilty, but I believe it stems from not being able to provide the typical family unit for my daughter.

So what do I do to overcome this feeling? Spend, spend, and spend a bit more.

I do the same thing every birthday and Christmas; I just keep buying presents and still feel like it's never enough. It's not like my daughter is actually bothered - she never asks for anything, apart from the occasional hoodie or some 'bucks' for the game she plays, and in fact she still has money laying around from a couple of Christmasses ago...

At this point, I realise that it's not really for her anymore - I did hope that by getting so many presents, it would almost overwhelm her so much that she would forget that there's a whole side of her family that doesn't get her anything. It's to make me feel like she's getting the "full" experience.

This year is particularly difficult, with my grandma dying, we are left with a very small family, so there are fewer people to buy her gifts - and grandma was great for presents! In fact, there was a running joke in our family about her presents at Christmas, we'd all get a bag, and honestly, a lot of it was what you'd call "tat", the sort of things you'd see in Poundland or at 3 o'clock in the morning on a shopping channel. However, her presents will be dearly missed this year, as well as our usual drive over to see her.

So what am I doing by buying all these presents? Making myself feel a little bit better. I've felt guilty for a long time, I had never really heard of anyone being brought up by just their dad, so when it came to me being the single parent, I wasn't quite sure if I could live up to the task of what a mother could do.

I'm also not one of those sorts of parents who posts a load of photos on Christmas day with a pile of presents, so I guess it's a feeling of having to compensate for not being a traditional family - although there's no guarantee that a two parent family could do any better.

Through this experience of being a single dad, I've realised that we are just as capable. I've met and spoken to many other single dads, and we often have the same sort of feelings, but looking at our children, it's clear we are doing something right.

It's not all bad being a single parent, I often catch myself being overly self critical and negative at times, and I tell myself to snap out of it. Being the sole parent has allowed us to develop such a strong relationship, she knows she can come to me with anything, and whatever is happening, I'll do my best to support her. I also have my own particular style of parenting, and being able to determine where the line is drawn on issues and having that be the end of it makes it easy. I do wonder if I would feel the same way if I had a son, instead of a daughter? Maybe.

However, I really need to work on the feeling of guilt, and the ways I deal with it. There's almost another element to the guilt now - look at how people are struggling with the cost of living crisis, and I'm here feeling guilty about spending too much money on Christmas presents... it's not like I have much money either.

I'm proud of what I have achieved as a single parent, and I am incredibly appreciative of the support of my parents throughout this. My daughter is incredibly easy-going, and I know that it's a bit silly to have these feelings - I just don't want her to miss out, whether that's on gifts she would be getting with a two parent family, or from the love and support she deserves.