'The care was just so loving' - grandfather backs Ashgate Hospice's appeal in memory of soulmate of 50 years
A grandfather whose wife of more than 50 years received “loving” end of life care at Ashgate Hospice has backed the charity’s spring appeal which will be launched at Chatsworth.
Barry Hancock and his daughter Clare Burns are ambassadors for the Dragonfly Appeal in which the hospice is inviting supporters to dedicate a handcrafted dragonfly in memory of someone special. The stainless steel dragonfly is available for a suggested donation of £30 and will form part of a display in the grounds of Chatsworth House from May 1 to 22, 2025.
The dad and daughter are supporting the appeal in thanks for the support their family has received from the hospice before and after the death of Barry’s wife Sue in 2023.
Soulmates Barry and Sue of Brimington met on a blind date in 1968 and were engaged six weeks later. Sue, an avid music and gardening enthusiast, worked with animals on a farm before becoming a housewife when her children Nicky and Clare arrived.
But in later years, Sue’s health began to decline. She developed rheumatoid arthritis in her forties which eventually led to complications from her medication, including high blood pressure, diabetes and liver scarring.
When her illness became incurable, she received support and advice at home from the hospice’s Palliative Care Specialist Nurse team before later being admitted to the hospice. Despite arriving in poor health after contracting Covid and being incredibly weak, Sue’s condition improved under Ashgate’s care, and she was able to return home weeks later to spend more time at home with her family.
Diagnosed with terminal heart failure, Sue was admitted to Ashgate Hospice for the last time and died at the inpatient unit on August 25, 2023, aged 77.
Barry, 81, said the hospice enabled his family to make special memories before Sue died. “We knew the inevitable was to come,” he said. “We thought more quickly than it did.
“But we had an overwhelming feeling of thank goodness we’re here – being at the hospice felt like home. It was so serene and calm.
“One of Sue’s favourite moments was being wheeled out to the hospice garden. Her face lit up and it brightened.
“I couldn’t speak more highly of our experience.
“The care was just so loving. It wasn’t just Sue, they took care of our whole family. Every nurse, doctor, cleaner, cafe worker made the effort to get to know us.
“We all assumed the hospice was where you go to die, but it’s where you go to live. It’s not a place of doom and gloom and there’s absolutely nothing that people need to be afraid of.
“You feel so relaxed going through that door and it’s like entering a different world. All the chaos is left behind and you’re in this kind, loving, supportive atmosphere.”
Since Sue’s death, the hospice’s Supportive Care team has helped guide Barry through his grief.
Clare, 50, who has since started volunteering on the Inpatient Unit, said: “We will be forever grateful for what the hospice did for us and want to do everything we can do to ensure Ashgate can be there for families in the future.
"The care was just phenomenal and completely priceless. It’s about tailoring the care to the patient and their needs; bringing in the family and making sure they’re cared for too.
“Mum absolutely loved visiting Chatsworth, so she’d be astounded to know her name is associated with the Dragonfly Appeal.
“I hope other families will consider joining us in remembering someone special with a beautiful dragonfly keepsake, ensuring that the hospice can continue to support people like my mum for years to come.”
Only 31% of Ashgate Hospice’s funding comes from the NHS, leaving a £11 million shortfall to be met through fundraising and donations.
To dedicate a dragonfly, go to the hospice’s website or call Ashgate Hospice’s fundraising team on 01246 567 250.