Derbyshire dad dating as a single parent: 'Is it just me?'

I remember that a couple of years after becoming single, I felt it was time to look at what options there were for dating. It was quite exciting, with so many apps and websites to choose from - I signed up for the usual suspects: Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, etc.

That initial excitement soon fizzled out. I spent around three months on the different platforms and averaged around two matches a week. That's not particularly a problem, if the quality of the matches is good. I think in the three months that I spent trying to find a date, I had two women respond - one was looking for something very casual, and the other was looking for something serious. However, this was in conjunction with her other boyfriend. Oh.

I've never been great at socialising, especially with women, and prior to meeting my daughter's mother, I never actually went on a "date." Since breaking up with her, I've been single. That's nearly 10 years.

Then there's the added issue of being a single parent. I'm not looking for someone to come in and be that mother that she's never had (her grandma has already done a great job of that), but I would expect them to be an important part of her life - after all, I am looking for someone to marry.

After being single for so long, I've started to wonder if there's something wrong with me... or if it's just the current state of the dating world.

Personally, I'm looking for something serious - I'm talking marriage, building a family (whether that's more kids or blending our families), and everything else. This has been the biggest stumbling block in my previous attempts at dating, as it seems that everyone I find is only interested in something casual.

Now, I'm not a prude, but I just don't have any interest in someone in that way unless I have that emotional connection. I wouldn't know what a one-night-stand was if it hit me in the face.

What's stopping people from looking for something with more commitment? Has that mindset been lost in the past? Everything in our lives appears to have been improved by technology: more choice, easier access, global reach... has this infiltrated the dating scene, implying that people no longer want to be tied down to just one person?

Perhaps there's an element of fear involved; we hear the horror stories of infidelity, divorce, and domestic violence. Perhaps long-term relationships aren't worth it; if you get that "ick," you can just download the apps again and find the next person.

There are a couple of buzz words currently making the rounds in the dating scene - red flags and icks. When all you're presented with are a few pictures and a couple of sentences, it's easy to pick up on things physically that you wouldn't in person, and how they describe themselves can quickly give you that "ick".

I'm still hopeful, but I admit that I don't use the apps often anymore, as it's a mix of disappointment that I can't find what I'm looking for and that I'm just not particularly popular on these apps. So perhaps I just need to try harder, or try somewhere else.

One piece of advice I have heard over the years is that you "need to love yourself, before you can love someone else." This resonates with me, as it's definitely something that I struggle with. Physically, I'm not happy with how I look - this year, with ups and downs, I managed to lose around 5 stone. I've still got quite a way to go, but I'm hoping once I'm there I can start to love myself, rather than my usual self deprecating sense of humour where I often describe my body type as: Teletubby.

Hopefully, by the time I'm ready, I'll be able to find someone who wants to build a beautiful relationship—one that is free of drama and filled with kindness, honesty, and love. I just adore the idea of building something amazing with a person that I love. If anything, I definitely need a woman’s touch with the decor around here.