JUD’S JOTTINGS: A tale of a rate smart pig with thrae legs

Spotted pig. Stock image. Pixabay.
Spotted pig. Stock image. Pixabay.

Wife’s sister come round other day. O were on ’er own on account of ’er ’usband bein’ dead. Mind, it were rate sad. Shid sent ’im up garden to cut a cabbage and ’e just dade. I said that were awful and what did o do. ’pparently shae oppened a tin o’ peas.

Any road, at this point I thote it were time t’ mek me exit.

I want entirely sure where I were gooin’ burrit were a nice day an’ I thote I’d tek in a bit o’ sunshine. There’s fields at back o’ where we live. When I were a nipper we used to play in them fields. There were a trough an’ it ad sticklebacks in it an’ wade tay a jam jar an’ catch em. One time, I were there wi’ Webby an’ this bull chased us rate up as far as allotments.

It were Webby’s fault. I toad im not to try and milk it burree wouldn’t listen.
I were walking past farm house when this bloke popped up an’ sez “Aye up youth. Arrya rate?” I said I were an’ were just about to goo when I spotted this big spotted pig.

I couldn’t elp missen. I sed “That’s a rate andsome pig but ow come it’s only got thrae legs?”

I think farmer were glad o’ cumpnee cos once e started ay wouldna shurrup.

“It were like this youth. It’s a grand pig that is. Me little gell, ode tae it furra walk. Ode wang sticks across field an’ pig ud chase em. Then, one Wednesday, oh took pig art an’ oh fell in brook. She thought she were gooin’ to drown but pig jumped in an’ saved er.”

I sed it were a rare story but why ad pig only got thrae legs.

Farmer smiled. “It’s a rate good pig is that. Other winter it snowed, rate blizzard it were. Me lad got stuck in it out be age. Pig musta erd us talkin’; cos next thing pig’s off down road ’eadin’ towards Ripley an’ ’age. Be nar there’s a foot a more o’ snow burrit dunt stop pig. E fun are youth an’ carried im all way from age on is back. Aye, that’s some pig.”

I sed it were burr ’ow come it’d only got thrae legs.

“Another time wife were ’avin’ our young ’un an’ midwife’s car brok darn. You know what, pig toad me t’ put kettle on and get towels an’ ’e went upstairs to where wife were. An’ y’no what? Pig did no more than deliver babbee. A’s a rate smart pig is that.”

Be nar, I’m gerrin’ a bit brassed off an’ I went off on a bit of a rant. I sed “Oy, I think it’s brilliant that pig saved daughter from drownin’. It’s rate good pig trudged throo snow an’ got your son ’om. An’ delivering a babbee, well that’s just rate spectacular. But why ’as pig only got thrae legs?”

Farmer lent on ’is stick an’ sez “Tha conna ate a pig like that all at one goo!”