Column: What can we do if the water companies continue to fail? Basically nothing

It’s so bad that the boat race was affected by the amount of e.coli in The Thames. I know what you’re thinking, “When will the kids who go to Oxford and Cambridge Universities get a break?”

It’s an embarrassment that we can’t even hold an event on our rivers. The rowers were given safety advice before the race that they should avoid getting any splashed water in their mouths. It was a rowing race. You might as well tell them to try not to rush.

Leonard Jenkins of the Oxford men’s team said, “It would be a lot nicer if there wasn’t as much poo in the water.” It’s sad such a sentiment has to be said. The only time that would be worse to hear is in a Trip Advisor review of a cafe.

Environment Agency figures revealed raw sewage spills doubled last year in England to 3.6 million hours of spills compared with 1.75 million hours in 2022. I was shocked it happens so much we have to measure poops by the hour.

To put this in terms you can relate to, an hour of poop is about 30 trips for a woman and about two for a man.

This is because our water systems get overwhelmed when there is a lot of rain. This is the UK. Rain is our thing. Sewage is spilled into waterways to prevent the system backing up.

In a statement issued before the race, Thames Water said: “We have experienced higher than average long-term rainfall across London.”

How can you have higher than average “long-term” rainfall. If it’s long-term, it increases the average.

What can we do if the water companies continue to fail? Basically, nothing. I’d say fine them but it’ll just be added to the water bills we pay. We’ll pay more for the pleasure of swimming with our own poops.

In 2022-23, England’s water firms made £1.7bn in pre-tax profits. This is up 82 per cent since 2018-19.

Water UK, the industry trade body, said bills would increase by six per cent on average next financial year – more than the four per cent inflation rate. You know what I’d accuse them of taking, but they’re literally not.

Having a private company in charge of a local monopoly will always mean they prioritise profits over reinvestment to keep the system running.

If you have any solutions I would say you should float them by me, but we have enough of that already.

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