Cracker jokes to make you groan

One humble British tradition has stood the test of time throughout the festive season.

Sunday, 25th December 2016, 6:00 am
Updated Thursday, 29th December 2016, 3:03 pm
Christmas cracker
Christmas cracker

The Christmas cracker has been gracing our tables since the 19th century, getting us excited to laugh and then shattering expectations with an anticlimactic punchline.

Researchers at MBNA have cracked the formula of what makes the perfect cracker joke, and it seems it all comes down to the groan.

Perfect cracker joke formula:

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Audible Groan = Question/Lexical ambiguity + (Awful punchline x Anticlimactic realisation)

Let’s see the formula in action:

What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like Brussels sprouts.”

Andrew Hill, chief jokes writer at Emporium Crackers, said: ““The loader the groan, the better the joke.”

Here are five cracker jokes that should achieve optimal groan level according to the MBNA formula:

1. What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep pan, crisp and even

2. What do you call a train loaded with toffees? A chew chew train

3. What’s the best Christmas present you could receive? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

4. What happened to the man who stole the Advent Calendar? He got 25 days

5. What’s white and goes up? A confused snowflake

Christmas cracker joke writers like Andrew Hill produce approximately 29 new cracker jokes a year, so prepare for some serious groaning this Christmas.