Column: The secret to a long and happy life seems to be not arguing with people

Ethel is 115, but doesn’t look a day over 105. As always happens in these news stories, Ethel was asked what the secret to living such a long life is.

Her advice is to never argue with anyone. That feels like it is good advice if you live in a time where duelling is common. Most of my rows these days are with conspiracy theorists on social media and very few are resolved with actual combat, so I think I’m safe.

The actual secret to being the world’s oldest person is being a woman. We gents never get to win that one or even get on the medal podium. It’s basically genetics but we don’t like that answer.

The news loves to ask these superannuated people their secret to old age and they always say something about drinking every day or eating whatever you want. If those behaviours made you live longer do you now how many 100-year-olds there’d be?

The postal service would collapse under the strain of all the royal telegrams.

On her 115th birthday, Ms Caterham received not just a telegram but a letter from the King congratulating her on a "truly remarkable milestone". I don’t know if she’ll get one every year now but eventually she’ll get bored and think, “This could’ve been an email.”

She was born on the 21st of August 1909, which means she is the last surviving subject of Edward VII. She must have lost count of how many Prime Ministers she’s lived though, although thanks to the last Government a lot of us did.

The new record has been confirmed by Guinness World Records. It’s impressive but one news source pointed out she lived through the sinking of the Titanic, World War One, the Russian Revolution, the Great Depression and World War Two. She wasn’t on the Titanic so it’s just a coincidence that these things happened concurrently with her.

By the same logic I lived through two Iraq wars and Brighton’s West Pier burning down and yet I look quite good considering.

But Ethel is right. Maybe not the secret to a long life but to a happy life is not arguing with people. Her full answer was, ‘Never arguing with anyone, I listen and I do what I like.’

However long we’re here for, that is a good way to live your life.