Column: I’m not good at remembering people’s names let alone their pronouns

They were the part of speech that no-one paid attention to. If you’d already used someone’s name, instead of repeating that name again and again like someone in sales who’d been on a neurolinguistic programming course, you’d say him or her and we’d all know who you meant.

Pronouns became the front line of a gender war between JK Rowling and some of the cast of her films. The message was that pronouns were the most important part of speech. You had to ask people about their pronouns.

The latest confusing breakthrough is that a UK university has issued guidance to students saying they should not ask people what their pronouns are as it could be offensive.

Just to recap, asking about pronouns is offensive and not asking is offensive. Good luck. Liverpool University told students that asking someone what their pronouns are could put them under pressure to reveal their gender when they don’t want to.

Let’s remember that no-one asking about this stuff is how use used to live for centuries, so I think we’d cope.

If I am honest, I’m such a stickler for grammar I don’t even understand how that conversation would go. If someone asked me what my pronouns are I’d have to answer, “I and me, because that’s how pronouns work.”

They’d say, “No, I mean what pronouns should I use about you?”

I’d say, “You and you. They are the second person objective and subjective pronouns. You could use thou and thee if you really wanted. You’d sound a little odd but I get the feeling that’s not worrying you.”

They’d say, in an annoyed tone, “No, I mean what pronouns should I use about you when I am talking to someone else? Third person pronouns.”

To which I would honestly say, “I don’t care. I won’t be there, will I?”

It’s a shame this grammar question can’t be separated from the gender issue. I think if someone wished to tell you that they feel like they are a certain gender, whether you understand it or not you can accept that they feel that way.

The pronoun side of this is where you seek to control how others speak, and that’s where the friction starts.

I’m not even good at remembering people’s names let alone their pronouns. So use my solution, refer to everyone as chief and hope they don’t notice.