Column: If more people are buying soap, public transport journeys could be nicer

I don’t know a lot about the process of making soap. I have seen Fight Club but I’m guessing the process is a little more artisanal.

In fact I’m fairly sure she doesn’t do any of it herself.

She’s teamed up with a soap company, Dr. Squatch, to make a limited edition called “Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss”. Sadly, there were only five thousand bars made.

I remember the days when if you wanted to be the kind of dirty old man who got all hot under the collar about a young woman’s bath water you had to do it on the sly. You’d have had to sneak in and scoop a cup before it swirled down the plughole. These days, like everything, you just click ‘add to basket’.

The Sydney soap sold out in seconds, proving that there is no limit to what people will buy if it has even the faintest whiff of fame attached to it. Maybe “whiff” is the wrong word. I’m sure it smells like soap. She’s not Gwyneth Paltrow.

Each bar only contains a few droplets of her bathwater. I’m fairly sure you wouldn’t notice their presence. Maybe you could find traces of her DNA, so if you’re planning on framing Sydney for a crime this could be the purchase you’re looking for. But if you want to feel that you have somehow bathed with her, you’re not hitting the mark.

The soap has a few traces of her bathwater but thanks to our water companies your own tap water probably has traces of some sewage, so they cancel out.

Sense and logic probably aren’t the main motivating forces behind these purchases. There has been such high demand that the bars are now available on eBay costing thousands.

For that much money you could probably have a bath with an actual actress.

Ingredients also include exfoliating sand and pine bark extract. I would have suggested verbena, pomegranate maybe even vanilla. Basically anything that’s edible given that I’m sure a few of the guys that buy it will be licking it.

While this news story makes me despair for the future of humanity and proves we’re more fame and sex obsessed than ever before, there’s one part of me that’s happy about it.

If this means more people are buying and using soap, my trips on public transport could be slightly nicer.