SEEING RED: Life is moving too fast for me

Time flies . . .
Time flies . . .

I remember the words as though they were yesterday,

“Before you know it, he’ll be 18.”

They were said by a midwife less than 24 hours after the birth of my son.

“Jesus Christ,” I thought. “He’s not a day old yet and I’m hearing how life will flash before my very eyes.”

More than 12 years on, I was reminded of those words when I saw the headline: “Best way to annoy your teenager? Ask for help.”

Now Master B may be several months away from being a teenager, but he definitely behaves like one – especially when it comes to Mrs B and I laying down the law with him.

Obviously she has more success in getting him to respond than I do!

And before I go on, in no way is this a pop at my own son in the pages of his local newspaper.

No, it’s more a case of yours truly becoming less angry and more sentimental as time passes by – which leaves me asking: “Where on earth does time go?”

One minute he’s all sweet and innocent and wanting to be with his old man, be it at football matches or going to the shops. The next, he wouldn’t want to be seen dead with me! Mind, who can blame him?

Of course, this is the journey of childhood. I too remember the days when I didn’t want to go shopping with my parents, for fear of being seen by someone from school.

But that’s how it was and still is when it comes to your offspring. Basically, I’m already the uncool dad and I’m not sure I can handle it.

Primary school came and went as soon as it had began – or so it seemed anyway – and secondary school is following a similar path.

He’s already in the second year of “big school”.

For me, life is moving too fast and I don’t like it one bit. Before I know it, he’ll be learning to drive and heading off to university, or whichever career path he opts to take. Why can’t life slow down?

The midwife who spoke those words 12-and-a-bit years ago was correct. “Before you know it, he’ll be 18,” she muttered and I hate it.

Oh, and as for asking for help, boy does that annoy him . . .

- EastEnders remains one of the most popular shows on TV more than 30 years after the Cockney soap first appeared on our screens.

But I often wonder why? There’s no doubting it’s broadcast some of the most hard-hitting and memorable scenes in TV history, but boy is it depressing. Surely there’s enough doom and gloom in the world as it is without being subjected to even more four nights a week?

Of course, we all have a remote control and can switch channels whenever we want to but why do so many – millions in fact – keep getting drawn in by such misery?

- We’re entering that time of year when norovirus – a sickness bug in layman’s terms – and man flu do the rounds.

I’ve written before about those who fail to wash their hands after spending a penny, but what about those who don’t put their hand over their mouths when they cough?

Disgusting. There’s no other word.